Vol. 3 Issue 4
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Note from Crista
It has been pretty cold down here in Austin, so I have spending a lot of time snuggling up under a blanket reading. I'm currently reading The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle.
The part that has grabbed my attention the most is of course the section on "enlightened relationships." He says, "As humans have become increasingly identified with their mind, most relationships are not rooted in being and so turn into a source of pain and become dominated by problems and conflict."
Whoa. Thatís heavy stuff!
But it did make me think that "true love" is possible, but maybe only when people are more identified with their spirit/soul instead of their mind.
Could being truly in the now be the cure to all relational suffering and be the portal to relational bliss?
3 Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend:
Make Him Sizzle This Valentineís Day
Letís face it. If your boyfriend is a typical man, he loves sex. So why not get the juices flowing this Valentine's Day with three simple questions.
Question#1: What do you find erotic?
See what kind of discussion opens up from just this question alone. At first, really listen to his answer. The two of you may even be a little uncomfortable or shy to discuss this topic, but itís the perfect thing to talk about during this holiday.
Question #2: What do you find sexy?
Before you ask him these questions you may even want to take some time to think about your answers, because Iím sure he is going to want to know what you find sexy too.
Question #3: What would you be willing to try?
Look at everything you discussed from the first two questions and see which things you would like to experience together this Valentineís Day. Iím sure youíll have plenty of ideas to choose from to create a fun and sizzling memory.
Question: Crista, my boyfriend is controlling and has anger issues. He snaps at me a lot and I'm afraid to tick him off by accident. One time he was fighting with his cousin (my sister's boyfriend) and my sister and I were trying to break it up. My sister's boyfriend stopped, but mine snapped at me and yelled "STAY OUT OF THIS!" My sister and her boyfriend were criticizing him for talking to me like that, and itís all very confusing! Can you give me some advice?
Cristaís Answer: Lexi, my heart definitely goes out to you. Iím sorry that you are having these troubles. From what I can see, your relationship is definitely showing some warning signs that you could potentially be in an abusive relationship.
- Is your boyfriend always angry at someone or something?
- Does he try to isolate you and control who you see or where you go?
- Are you afraid to break up with him?
- Are you afraid to bring up certain subjects so that he won't get mad
- Do you find his abusive behavior getting worse over time?
As a woman, it's not good to tolerate the bad behavior of a controlling boyfriend. According to Dr. Bob Grant, a licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, "a healthy relationship falls apart, when one partner ignores the bad behavior of the other simply to maintain the relationship. Women who tolerate a man who is abusive fall into this category. Given enough time, and without training a man to value you, these types of relationships usually end very tragically."
What you want is a boyfriend who is healthy and happy.
Healthy boyfriends are able to:
- Receive constructive feedback from others without getting defensive
- Know how to resolve conflict in a constructive manner or is willing to learn how to do so
- Allows themselves to feel their anger and resentment and expresses anger in an appropriate way
If he is unwilling to change his ways, you have a big decision to make. Do you stay and tolerate his behavior? Or do you break up and move on?
I also suggest that if your boyfriend is abusive in any way, I highly recommend that you seek the services of a Licensed Professional Counselor or Psychologist. They will be able to help you to understand yourself and the situation and guide you to make a healthy decision.
Have a question for Crista?
Send her your question about love and relationships now via this form.
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Crista Beck, Author of 1001 Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend & and Founder of Love Your Boyfriend
Crista Beck is devoted to helping women make healthy choices in romantic relationships. After launching Love-Your-Boyfriend.com in just 2009, she has grown it into a website which reaches thousands of women each and every day.
She is committed to assisting women understand men, express love for their boyfriends, and to love themselves.
To learn more about Cristaís website go to:
To learn more about Cristaís eBook, go to:
1001 Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend