Breaking up is one of the hardest things one can do. No advice on ending a relationship is going to make it easier. You want to drag your feet because you don't want your boyfriend to get hurt. You've had some really great times together and have shared a lot of memories.
While ending a relationship is hardly at the top of anybody’s calendar, the fact is that when a relationship has gone sour, someone has to make the move to end it. The truth is that many relationships last long beyond the "expire by" date just because breaking up is hard to do.
Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic fashion with clothes being thrown out of a second story window.
Other times, the relationship just peters out until someone says "it's caput."
How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?
You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the relationship. The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason. Make a list of all the reasons why you want to break up with your boyfriend.
This list isn't for you to read to your boyfriend when you are breaking up with him. Making this list is just a way to get clear about yourself and your reasons.
Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest. That means that in your discussion with your boyfriend, you are true to yourself and to him.
Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup. In general, it is better to do it in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.
You definitely want to do it in private. Breaking up with him at a restaurant is a very bad idea. This is a very emotional situation and you want to have your boyfriend feel as safe as possible.
Get into a state of compassion when ending the relationship. If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion.
Don’t put your boyfriend on the defensive. Don't criticize him and tell him all the things he has done wrong in the relationship. Talk about the things you’ve learned and the memories you will cherish that have come from your love. Be present during the break up. Your boyfriend may become very emotional during this time. You need to respond to his needs.
Don’t take anything personally when ending the relationship. Your boyfriend may say things he doesn’t really mean. Let these words roll off of your back. If he did not see this break up coming he may be very hurt and angry.
Your boyfriend may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship. Or, he may need space. Give your ex boyfriend what he needs to get through the transition time.
But don’t let him make you feel guilty. You’re ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex boyfriend. It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.
Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean “the end, close the book?”
That is something you have to decide. Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met. If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple.
However, if you are determined to walk away, the best advice on ending a relationship is to just end it with a clean break and move on.
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